I think one of the hardest things we, as humans have to go through at some point in life,
is losing someone you were close to. To get a call one day, and realize that just about everything you shared with that person is gone. That life slipped away, sometimes all too suddenly. One moment they were here, the next gone… no more chances.
I guess I never really quite understood what Jeremy Camp said in his song “I Believe”, about scattered words and empty thoughts. That’s something you really only discover after losing someone. At first there’s a shock.. Then you’re okay, then you realize that they’re not coming back.

On March 30th, I lost one of my best friends. I suppose I shouldn’t say “lost”…. I know where he is. And I know I’ll see him again. But there are still times when I think about him, and I can’t believe that he won’t pick up the phone if I call him. No more late night chats on Gmail, no more of him pushing me to go further in my walk with God.
He won’t be there to tell me, “You can do it” when I feel discouraged.
Who’s going to continuously beat me in Checkers now?

He was a young man with more passion and fire for God then I have seen in even a lot of people thrice his age. He had a passion for youth, and a hunger for God.
I met him when I was 13, he was 14... and I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be the same person I am today, if I hadn’t. God used him to teach me so much, and make me grow.

About a year ago, he got cancer for the second time. But, he believed until the end that God would heal him. Though he struggled with understanding why it happened, he didn’t complain. He listened to everyone else, and encouraged them even when he was in pain.
I miss him a lot. At the same time though, I know all of this wasn’t in vain. I still believe and hold onto God, and trust that there’s a plan even in all this.
Alex was a spark that started a wildfire. Until the end, his faith stood firm.
It’s not that he was perfect, but he knew the One who is. His dedication and love for God has given a lot of us a wake up call, even in his death.

The youth in his church united for one of the first times since he’s died, after being divided for so long. People who were timid followers are stepping out and becoming leaders. The pain is still raw, but in so many ways we know what we have to do now. Keep fighting the good fight.

I can’t bring Alex back, although God knows I would, if I could. But, somehow this was all part of His plan. God taught so many people so much through his life… but, just because his story is over on earth, it’s not over for us.
We all move on changed and strengthened. People who only spoke to him a handful of times tell me how much he influenced them, and I know what they mean.
He would have gone on to do amazing things for God… he wanted to go to Yale, be an evangelist. He was even getting his license to be a pastor. But God had other plans. Maybe He sees how it would take something like this to shake us all awake. To realize that life is a gift, that we haven’t got “All the time in the world”… that could be taken from us in a split second. Maybe through this, we’ve finally understood the verse in the Bible that talks about our Treasure being in Heaven.

There’s nothing in this world that matters except God. We have nothing of importance to gain from this life.. We can’t take it with us! Alex got a beautiful Mercedes before he died and he was so happy, because that’s what he always wanted. He can’t take that with him. Although I don’t think it matters much to him, because his Treasure was and is Christ.

We have nothing to lose in this life, but eternity. What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world, but losses his soul? What good is our lives to anyone or the Kingdom of God, if we live apologetically and never reach out to people with the love of Christ? What does it profit anyone to live a double life and standard when our every act is going to be brought before God? Who we are on earth decides who we will be in Heaven, but we tend to think we’ve got forever to make it right.

Folks… we don’t have forever.
We might not even have to the end of this day. God knew our names and the days of our lives before He even created the world. When this life is over, it’s over. No more chances. Still so many people live their lives in regret, complacency and intimidation. Why? Because we so often place our hearts on things of this earth. However, when your focus is on Heaven, the way you live, the way you talk, everything changes. It’s no longer, “I‘ll tell them later.” or “I‘ll forgive them later” or “I‘ll apologize later.” You live with the knowledge that life is so temporary. So fragile and so delicate, but my word, what a chance we’ve been given! To love without fear, to live for the approval of God and not people. To reach out, to witness, to let our light shine before man so they will in turn glorify God!
If we can capture the wonder of what life is, and moreover, the wonder of Heaven, everything will change. For those of you who’ve read The Chronicles of Narnia, you know what I’m saying when I say, we live in the shadow lands. This isn’t where the story ends, this life is only the epilogue.

Alex’s life is over on earth, but, the way he touched us will always be a part of who we are. The hurt is still there… but, God is faithful and day by day He heals.
So what do we do now? Where do we go from here? Well.. There’s a moment each of us who have lost someone has to go through… sometimes it can take weeks, sometimes longer. But there’s a moment that comes when we come to the mountain of God… we close our eyes and remember. The laughter, the tears, the times they irritated you to kingdom come, and the times where you couldn’t thank God enough for them. And you just stay there awhile. In the presence of God, in that peace that passes all understanding. Then you smile and remember their face one more time… and you say, "Goodbye dear friend."

I don’t know if I’m there yet. By God’s grace... I know that someday, I will be. I praise God for how far He’s brought me, and the people He placed in my life to bring me where I am. C.S. Lewis once said, that while lovers are always pictured looking at each other, friends are standing side by side, looking forward. I suppose though, I’ve always pictured it as a long road where friends walk together. Push each other forward, keep them from going over the edge… to keep their eyes focused on the Light ahead.
Alex was with me for a good portion of that journey. He pushed me, prodded me, sometimes irritated me, but, knew how to apologize, so one could endlessly forgive. He always encouraged me and always pointed towards the Savior.
Now my journey with him has come to a close. Not because of failure. But, because he fulfilled the call God placed on his life. To be a friend, encourager and follower of God. So I’ll keep going. Keep running the race and fighting the good fight, praising God for the people He places in my life to walk with me, but, thanking Him still, even when our journey together comes to a close.

With God.. Nothing is a failure. No life is wasted. God is still using Alex to reach people, even after he died. God used him to spark something in all of us. A passion and dedication for God, so deep that it won’t be shaken. And for that, I am forever grateful.

It’s not goodbye, only goodnight. Joy comes in the morning. Because we have a promise that one day, there will be no more tears when we’re held in Jesus' arms.
You know, the other part of that song, “I Believe” that I mentioned earlier goes on to say… “But it‘s now that I feel, Your grace fall like rain. From every fingertip washing away my pain. Because I still believe in Your Faithfulness. I still believe in Your Truth.
I still believe in Your Holy Word. Even when I don‘t see... I still believe.”

That’s my prayer. God… I still believe. And You are Worthy still. To You be all the Glory, both in this life and the next.




May 23,1991 - March 30, 2009

Goodnight, dear friend.